Excerpts from the Dream World

December, 2021

I’m late. A few nauseating ceiling lights emitted a green glow to this empty abandoned space. All was quiet besides the constant hum of those lights. I think I’m dreaming again. A few pillars stood tall around me. Ceiling tiles were missing. I sat quietly as a small candle refused to flicker in the big empty room. It just sat there, basically asking me to take it. I knew how this would go, yet I let my feet walk me to the back of this empty cafeteria. I wasn’t wearing shoes this time. The floor was solid tile, but to my feet it felt like warm bread. The strange feeling of the floor wasn’t the most unsettling thing to me here. It was the ceiling. I knew they were up there, crawling around, watching me, pretending I couldn’t see them. Would they be mad if I didn’t bring the candle with me? The wax still fell even though the candle showed no sign of movement in the flame. I picked it up gently just to be safe. The door awaits. 

The hallway echos a distorted church hymn over speakers every few yards. I can’t see the end. A grainy sound came from each speaker as it barely managed to squeeze out each note. Where did they want me to go this time? Do they have a lesson for me or are they enjoying my confusion? My naked feet followed the lengthy hallway leaving the light behind me. I don’t like the dark, I was never comfortable with it. Sometimes I would close my eyes here, but each hair on my body would stand as if it would do me any protection. The hair would stand, so I would sit. The candle's wax began to melt, dripping down onto my skin. It burned. I wanted to let go of the candle because although it gave me light, it pained me greatly. If I let go, would I be punished? What if the candle needs to be somewhere? Is there someone here who needs it more than me? I should get going if that’s the case. 

https://boydeluded.tumblr.com/post/619033798849544192

The end of the hallway presented a simple wooden door with a painted gold door knob. With a free hand I opened the door to see another empty room. Why is it always so deserted? I can feel them here, but I don’t see them. Can they even see me? Have I been making up my own missions this whole time? That can’t be true. I know they’re here and they know I’m here. They’re just testing me with their infinite wisdom, testing me for some purpose I don’t know. I feel like I should help them, after all when I’m scared I need to help someone. It’s safe when you’re in control and on someone’s side. The room smelled of mildew and rotten wood. The walls were a soft yellow and the ceiling tiles were also disheveled and unorganized on the ceiling. A singular chair, yes, just one, sat on one side of the wall with a delicate lamp on the wood table beside it. Across from them was an older TV. A few paintings held on dearly to the wall, but I didn’t look close enough to see what each one depicted. I sat on the chair with my candle. This room also presented an eerie silence. I could hear my heart beating and my flesh moving against the white fabric I was wearing. I waited for the TV to turn on, maybe they’d play something nice for me? I don’t think they remembered what room I was in. Maybe they forgot about me and my missions, maybe they lost interest in me. I thought they would show me something but they didn’t. I still feel the incessant lateness in my body, so I’m assuming this isn’t the right place. 

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 I stood up with my candle before exiting out to a different hallway. A large white room held curious large shapes spread around. The floor was a soft squishy pink. It was comfier here, no tiles, just high ceilings covered in white. I wanted to climb and stay here for a while. It made me so happy I could almost cry. Yes, I love this room. This one is my favorite. I laid onto a rectangular white shape and placed the candle beside me. I closed my eyes for a moment. Yes, I like this place a lot, but I shan't stay. I think I have to take this candle somewhere. When I opened my eyes, I was looking at a plain blue sky. 

I was unable to tell the time of day here, not that time really exists in this limbo. I’m not sure why they sent me here. The street carried houses that went beyond my vision. They seemed to carry on forever. A home was right in front of me, at least I thought it was, although what exactly makes a home? The house itself or the people within? It wouldn’t matter because the house is empty. It always is. Everywhere here sends me into a frenzy with its ability to just slightly throw me out of touch with reality. The grass is always a perfect green and the sky a strange blue that would obstruct my sense of time. 50s style bubble lights stood before each differently colored house. The wind produced no movement from the grass or bushes, it was almost like the wind noises were just playing on a speaker somewhere. The air smelled of play dough and plastic complimenting the vibrancy of the environment. I’ve never proven or really looked into the existence of whatever is watching me, but I can feel it. Sometimes they don’t seem too threatening. But other times the sense of danger is strong. Maybe there’s a lesson they want to teach me? Or maybe I’m still trying to give meaning to an anxious feeling I don’t understand. The yellow house’s wire door opened with a creak. Maybe the candle was needed here. I found myself walking towards it. 

When I opened the rusted door, I was engulfed By a peppermint scent mixed with that same plastic smell. 

She walked into a large empty room once again. Every wall was decorated with a window. The ceiling was detailed and extravagant. She stood there for a while, taking in the strange view. She looked at her candle then back at the space. Suddenly she lifted the candle, as if asking for assistance. She said something inaudible under her breath before placing the candle on the floor and sitting beside it. Hymn music made its return through what she believed was coming from the second floor window which displayed a slightly open curtain. She seemed panicked by the sudden organ noises and scurried into another hallway in hopes of finding her way to the special window that sat between many others. 

I hoped to find a stairwell of some sort, but I was met with an open field. The door shut behind me with a bang. The hymnal chants echoed through the dying field. It wasn’t cold but all the livestock was very dead. A single street lamp sat at the end of the field by a road. I walked up to the street lamp and let my eyes scan the area to see where the sound was coming from. I should be there, that’s where they want me, right? Or, maybe they’re following me. Maybe I need to leave them? I hate it when the directions aren’t clear. An old school bus slowly made its way down the road. There was no driver or student passengers, it was just slowly making its own way down the street. That’s right, the bus. I’m going to be late if I don’t catch the bus. I don’t want to get punished. The bus didn’t stop, though, so I started to run beside it with my candle. I managed to keep up enough to open the door and jump in. The bus looked so sad without any passengers. Like a mother without her children, life without a purpose. I found a seat for myself in the middle of the bus. I'm not sure why I picked that seat, but it felt right to me. This is when my candle began to flicker. 

The bus arrived and came to a full stop by an old church. The smell of burnt bread filled my nostrils causing me to scour. I slowly got up and used my free hand to cover the flame and prevent it from being extinguished. It was dark now, and I could hear the hymns still, they never left. This time they were loud, as if they were right beside me. It was cold here. This feels like the right place, but I don’t want to be here. Something within me is telling me to leave right now, my stomach is starting to turn. The smell of the bread was my new oxygen, only breathing in the air produced by it. The candle was flickering quickly now, so fast it seemed abnormal. A shadow on the ground stood behind me, but it wasn’t my own. It slowly got closer and inched me towards the entrance of the church. I opened the church doors.

The hymnal voices were now as loud as they could possibly be, I was so overwhelmed by the sheer volume that my ears began to bleed. It was so loud! So loud I could almost see it. I couldn’t hear anything but the distorted voices that bellowed through the church. The pews were empty. My stomach was turning and my ears were bleeding and my candle was whipping itself back and forth, back and forth. I screamed, but it was inaudible due to the voices that sang out to the people in the ceiling. They praised them and asked them for forgiveness, now and at the hour of their death. I could feel my eyes filling up with hot tears. The altar bled with red wine down to the floor. I stood quietly for a moment, accepting the defeat of the voices and the wine and the ones in the ceiling. I vomited on the floor in front of me. The music stopped and the candle stood still. The only sound I could hear besides the ringing in my broken ears was the dripping of the wine on the altar. I’m sorry. I walked towards the altar and the wine stopped flowing. It all stopped. Everything. My candle went out. I slowly walked up the steps and placed the candle's carcass on the altar, then I began to weep. I wept for a moment before being called to a door by my right. Wiping my tears, I walked towards it. I didn’t have any questions or curiosity. That is where they want me. That is where I’ll follow. I don’t want it, I don’t believe them, but I follow. I pushed the door ajar slightly more and found myself in a big, green, abandoned cafeteria. 

Citations 

Boydeluded. Nostalgiacore, 25 May 2020, https://boydeluded.tumblr.com/post/619033798849544192.

“Pin by Interior Crocodile Aligator on Gemini in 2021: Vintage Chairs, Lounge Chair Design, Vintage Shops.” Pinterest, 26 Nov. 2021, https://pin.it/3DceF9e.